This month we have a very exciting opportunity to hear from one of our new clinicians, Aubrey Koch, LCSW. Aubrey is interviewed by one of our other newest clinicians, Arpee Simonian, MED, LMFT. Through this “Humans of MHT” interview, we get to hear from Aubrey about what it means for her to be human, a wondrous, yet flawed being, and how she uses those flaws to create something beautiful in herself and with her clients.

You will find the transcript of the interview below.

Arpee Simonian: Hi, Aubrey, how are you today?

Aubrey Koch: I'm doing good Arpee. I'm excited to be here with you. How are you?

AS: I’m doing well. Thank you so much. And thank you for being here today. I'm excited to get to know you a little bit better. You and I are the two newest clinicians here at MHT So I'm looking forward to getting to know you a little bit more intimately.

AK: Me too. I think it'll be a nice opportunity for us to process a little bit and talk about how we review this topic.

AS: I have a couple questions for you here. And my first question is what does humanness mean to you?

AK: Mmm. I think humanness really refers to our capacity to have consciousness and to have a wide breadth within our consciousness. We have the capacity to be creative, to think critically, to love, to be in community in a nuanced way, to experience pleasures, to be in relationship and also to be impacted by our relationships. We have the ability as humans to make mistakes, to have mistakes done to us and be affected by that. And as a result of that, I think something that is also uniquely human is the capacity to create emotional defenses and ways of protecting ourselves from being hurt again when that does happen.

AS: Yeah.

AK: Along those lines, something that I think makes us really special creatures is that we can experience all of those things at one time, you know, we can be loving and we can be important parts of our families and our friends, friend groups, our communities, and we can also make missteps. And the beautiful thing that goes with that is that we can learn and grow and heal from those times. I think that's what makes us unique in our humanness.

AS: Yeah. That's so beautifully put, I love that we can learn and grow and heal from those. That’s so true. I'm wondering, how does humanness show up in your work as a clinician?

AK: That's a great question. I think on one hand, people seek our care because [they want] to more better access to the joyous parts of their humanity I was referencing earlier…. to be content, to be creative, to experience satisfaction in their day to day living; however, because of life circumstances, they are having a difficult time accessing that. And, sometimes people seek therapy because they think that there's something wrong with them or that they're the sum of those more painful parts of being a person. So, my job is to help hold all of those realities at once and to help integrate all the different pieces of our experience and to help heal and grow, like I mentioned in the latter part of the last question.

And I also think another way that humanness shows up is my [own] humanity. I too am a person that  has creativity and uses creativity in my sessions with my clients to help them explore, play, and learn more about their inner worlds. And at the same time I'm prone to making mistakes, just like any other person does. Sometimes I make incorrect interpretations. Sometimes I misunderstand something that my client is trying to tell me or misinterpret something that's happening in the room. In those moments I try to acknowledge them and make space for them because I want to model my humanity to my clients and show them that I can make mistakes, acknowledge it, and I can also feel that I'm still a clinician that is capable of helping them feel better.

AS: Right, Right. I love that. That's, that's such a beautiful sentiment, to allow your clients to appreciate your humanness and your missteps and your failures and that that's okay. Modeling that for them, that acceptance for them. I think that's so beautiful.

AK: Thank you. And even in that same vein, you know, we can use the mistakes I might make to have repair and deepen the relationship. You know, our own interconnectedness might be heightened after something like that.

AS: Yes, absolutely. I think it definitely strengthens the relationship when there is a rupture and you are able to work through it, you are able to repair the relationship.

AK: I completely agree.

AS: That's really beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Aubrey.

AK: Of course.

AS: I'm wondering, is there a certain poem that you've read recently that speaks to you currently? And if you can tell us about the poem or read the poem to us and just talk a little bit about why that speaks to you.

AK: Yeah, absolutely. So this question made me think about one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver.  I brought one of her poems with me. It's called Life Story, and I'd love to read it. It's from her book A Thousand Mornings. This is Life Story:

When I lived under the black Oaks

I felt I was made of leaves.

When I lived by Little Sister Pond,

I dreamed I was the feather of the blue Heron

left on the shore;

I was the pond lily, my root delicate as an artery,

my face like a star,

my happiness brimming.

Later, I was the footsteps that follow the sea.

I knew the tides, I knew the ingredients of the wrack.

I knew the eider, the red-throated loon

with his uplifted beak and his smart eye.

I felt I was the tip of the wave,

the pearl of water on the eider's glossy back.

No, there's no escaping, nor would I want to escape

this outgo, this foot-loosening, this solution

to gravity and a single shape.

Now I am here, later I will be there.

I will be that small cloud, staring down at the water,

the one that stalls, that lifts its white legs,

that looks like a lamb.

AS: That's so, so beautiful. I love Mary Oliver. She's one of my all-time favorite poets.

AK: Mine too. I’m always drawn to her use of natural imagery and applying it to our experience as humans. In this poem, I just love how Mary talks about the different chapters of our [lives] and uses the interface with the environment as a metaphor for that and how important it can be to linger in certain parts of that [and] have it be okay. And, to know that there will be times when things will inevitably look differently. I think it just really speaks to the topic that we've been discussing.

AS: Absolutely, Yeah. That's so beautiful. I love her use of imagery and nature and I think she just has such a beautiful way with words. So thank you for sharing that with us and thank you for reading the poem, and for your time today. I really, I really appreciate you meeting me today and engaging in this discussion.

AK: Of course, it's been a pleasure. Thank you for taking the time to hold space for this conversation.

AS: Of course. Thank you so much, Aubrey.

AK: Thank you, Arpee.

Aubrey Koch, LCSW, welcomes those going through life’s challenges with warmth and ease. In partnership with her clients, she facilitates an empowering environment where individuals can safely explore inner worlds, examine life stories, and embrace the authentic self. She believes that through psychotherapy clients can develop skills for healthier relationships, deepen creativity, experience the joys of being truly seen and heard, and grow.

Arpee Simonian, MED, LMFT, has extensive experience working with infants, toddlers, and school-aged children. She takes an attachment-based approach to working with children and families and is passionate about the relationship between parent and child and the importance of creating a strong and healthy attachment from the very beginning.