Viewing entries by
Mary Starks

Women are Courageous

Women are Courageous

Courageous women are in and around us.  

Throughout history, woman have shown courage, whether in daring and dauntless fashion or quietly behind the scenes. Granted, life is not without its setbacks for us all — men and women alike encounter challenges, and yet, for me, there are few things as inspiring in life as a woman who displays her courage and determination in breaking down barriers.

In the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers found that exposing women to highly successful female role models helped them overcome gender negative stereotypes related to their own performance. Perhaps I had some sense of this early on and this is why in high school I had a Rosie the Riveter poster hanging in my bedroom...to gaze up and bask in her courageous strength when needed, letting the words, “We can do it” settle into my being.

J.K. Rowling lived on welfare as a single mother and was rejected by countless publishers before Harry Potter made her one of the most famous and successful authors in the world. Her courage to press on in the face of these challenges is profound. Or Lyudmila Pavlichenko, World War II sniper, credited for killing hundreds of German soldiers and in a speech to the American military, famously said, “I am 25 years old and have killed 309 fascist invaders by now. Don’t you think, gentlemen, that you have been hiding behind my back for too long?”

Whether we want to sign up for a Spartan Race, leave a miserable career, or simply get out of the bed in the morning, time and again, women have tapped their innate wellspring of courage to press on and find strength in struggle. And when you do this, you give other women permission to do the same. I believe one essential ingredient of courage is to face our fears; choosing love over fear. Regardless of the outcome, if we have done this at some point in our life, we have a life well-lived. Chances are, you don’t have to look too far in your immediate circle of friends and family to find equally exemplary woman as J.K. Rowling and Lyudmila Pavlichenko. Courageous women are in and around us.  

...there are few things as inspiring in life as a woman who displays her courage and determination in breaking down barriers.

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Mary Starks, MA, is an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #5828, working under the professional supervision of Michelle Harwell, PsyD, LMFT #50732. Mary specializes in child and family counseling and has extensive training in the field of infant mental health.

Nature is a Gift

Nature is a Gift

It can be hard to get through a television show without seeing an ad from a pharmacology company showcasing the latest drug. American culture likes a quick fix and our default mentality can make up run for the medication cabinet for all of our ailments, no matter how small. Bombarded with these messages, we forget that nature is also good medicine. Ecotherapy is the idea of connecting to nature to aid our human well being. Research tells us and we intuitively know of the healing properties of nature and these concepts are catching on….for example, “forest bathing” is now a thing.

Personally, I have recently been reminded of nature’s promise in promoting peace of mind. Facing a move and other major life changes, making a habit to ride my bike along Venice and Santa Monica beach fronts, walking at sunset along Ocean’s shore, and soaking in the sun on the sand has brought me out of my head and into a felt sense that the present turbulence is a moment in time. Nature reminds us, the world is larger than our present troubles.

Nature is a gift, like therapy, it can help process the upheaval that comes with change and give us renewed vitality.

At times I have groaned at the extra efforts of separating the recycling materials and disposing them in the two separate trash cans. But I do it out of love, how can I not? I was struck with the idea that I should let nature love me back, especially in this time of life transitions and stressful changes. Life transitions can make nature more important and if we can carve out a space in nature, it can have a grounding effect and be a source of stability. Living in California, there are opportunities abound to do this.

With destruction also comes creation, finding a few quiet, introspective moments in nature can invite spontaneous insight into how creation of new will manifest in your life. I found myself naturally connecting to my will to live my best life and envision the possibilities that lay ahead. This also came with mining the gold in learning from past mistakes, giving me an energy to help bear life's storms with grace and gratitude. What story do I want to tell? Who am I now and what are my values? I found myself having more self compassion and more of a capacity to tolerate staring at the sun of my fears. Injecting some calm only nature can bring help us filter the distractions and minutiae of life. Nature is a gift, like therapy, it can help process the upheaval that comes with change and give us renewed vitality.


Mary Starks, MA, is an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #5828, working under the professional supervision of Michelle Harwell, PsyD, LMFT #50732. Mary specializes in child and family counseling and has extensive training in the field of infant mental health.