Home: Gravy and Biscuits

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

As I was reflecting back on what Home means to me, I continued to go back to memories of my mother cooking in the kitchen or teaching me how to make one of her specialty dishes. Homemade cooking was a very important thing to her as a Southern woman. This value has been passed down from generation to generation. Both my mother and grandmother (“mamaw”) take pride in their scratch cooking and believe in the merits of working hard to prepare a homemade meal. This value was passed down to me. Home to me means home-cooked meals. Home to me is waking up to the smell of homemade buttermilk biscuits and sausage being cooked for gravy.

One of my mother’s specialty dishes is her gravy and biscuits. This recipe has been passed on from my mamaw. What makes this dish so special is that it is made by hand and from memory. There is no recipe. My mother has always taken pride in her perfectly fluffy biscuits and creamy gravy. She has taught me over the years that the art of perfecting the biscuits is how you lightly handle the dough so that the it stays airy — this is what makes it fluffy. The trick with the gravy is to slowly stir until it is at its perfect consistency. Neither process can be rushed for it to turn out right.       

Thinking back on this memory as a child, I think about how much the process of making gravy and biscuits is similar to therapy. If we rush the process of therapy we will not get the result we desire. It can take time to move through the process of understanding ourselves and to remember that taking our time and being mindful is important so that we don't miss an important ingredient.

“Both my mother and grandmother (“mamaw”) take pride in their scratch cooking and believe in the merits of working hard to prepare a homemade meal....Home to me is waking up to the smell of buttermilk biscuits and sausage being cooked for gravy. ”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

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A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Eryn Lewis, MA, is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, IMF #186959, working under the professional supervision of Gabrielle Taylor, PhD, Psy #22054. Eryn works with individuals, couples and families on a broad range of issues including anxiety, depression, parent-child challenges, trauma, sexual abuse, and marital issues.

Home: Mi Pulgita

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“ Aside from loving my Salvadorian heritage, my sense of home was in holding her arms and being guided by her, being reassured by her, and by the way she would so proudly introduce me as her Nieta De Los Estados Unidos to her dearest friends.”

When I was a child (from age 2 to 15), I would travel every summer to Santa Tecla in El Salvador, also known as “El Pulgarcito de Centro America” (The smallest country of Central America), to visit my maternal grandparents and extended family.

Some of my fondest memories of “Mi Pulgita” revolve around going to a local farmers market with my grandmother, Mama Elena. At the market there were various pupuseria stands and local art vendors selling crafts, handmade jewelry, and aromatic soaps. Mama Elena was an elegant woman who never left the home without earrings and lipstick, and she always showed interest in the jewelry stands. As a little foodie, I was enticed by all the delectable snacks. But nothing could compare to the delight we took in holding each other’s hands. My grandmother would smile every time my face would light up after getting my favorite treats and then sharing my gratitude in Spanglish.

I would hold onto her arm as we would walk down the long, uneven, and noisy streets of Mi Pulgarcito — these images have forever imprinted a sense of love, warmth, adventure, being seen, and home. Aside from loving my Salvadorian heritage, my sense of home was in holding her arms and being guided by her, being reassured by her, and by the way she would so proudly introduce me as her Nieta De Los Estados Unidos to her dearest friends.

For me, El Salvador evokes a sense of home and hospitality. During my stays, there was always a neighbor that I had never met before who would stop by with some warm sweet bread, delicious dish, or kind gift. The neighbor would come with open arms as if they had met me before — this feeling of being connected and cared for by a complete stranger was so powerful. I am forever grateful for all those memories of love and acceptance from neighbors, family, and family friends.

Home is where you are seen, cared for, and made to feel special.

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

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A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Maria Elena Marquez, MA, is a bilingual (Spanish-English) Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, IMF #103470, working under the supervision of Gabrielle Taylor, PhD. As an art therapist, Maria is passionate about helping clients unravel complex cultural beliefs and family pressures through the use of expressive arts.

Home: Safety

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“Like a fence protecting baby grass, some untouched territory can allow for steady growth. In the shelter of “home,” I can expand and decay, progress and regress, create and destroy— all without apology. ”

Home means safety to me. I think of the word “home” and I hear the sound of a deadbolt lock clicking in place. That sound is sweet and satisfying. It promises privacy. No intrusions and no interruptions. 

In a culture that glorifies the adventure-haver, the festival-goer, and the yes-sayer— I love the clear “no” that rings from a locked door. 

I swear I’m not a complete bummer-person, but I do believe in the beauty of boundaries. 

Like a fence protecting baby grass, some untouched territory can allow for steady growth. In the shelter of “home,” I can expand and decay, progress and regress, create and destroy— all without apology. 

In 1929, Virginia Woolf insisted that a “room of one’s own” would allow a woman to drop the act. She said a private place meant there was “…No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.” What wonderful permission she grants us. 

I think women in particular must allow themselves to close and lock the door. I mean that literally and metaphorically. This can be tough in a world that wants to consume us while simultaneously demanding our graciousness. It's hard to shake that instinct to be polite. But I have found few things more invigorating than denying someone access. 

Locks can be picked, though, and doors can be kicked open. Sacred spaces can be infiltrated or destroyed entirely. I know that safety is never a given and privacy is a privilege known to few. 

When circumstances won’t allow for solace I turn inward. And then I turn to Camus. He said, “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Katie Hurley, MSW, is an Associate Clinical Social Worker, ASW #89658 working under the supervision of Saralyn Masselink, LCSW #28617. Katie specializes in working with children and adolescents who are navigating depression, anxiety, trauma, and PTSD.

Home: Belonging

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

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“Who would you be if you trusted it was safe to belong?”
--Madison Morrigan

As a bicultural woman in the world, cultivating a true sense of belonging has not always been an easy task. You see, looking back, there were many times in my life when I felt like the outsider rather than the insider. In the early days of my quest for belonging, I found myself being a chameleon of sorts -- carefully reading the room, anticipating the needs of others (often times before they even knew it), and acting in ways I perceived to be most acceptable to the environment or group I happened to be in. All this "blending in" ultimately came at the cost of my self-erasure.

Since then, a significant part of my growth process has been learning to pay more loving attention to myself -- that is, integrating the many different parts of my identity and personhood, honoring my needs, and living out my truths. My journey “home,” simply put, has been about finding a voice and belonging from within. And this, simultaneously, has led me to discover people and places to safely belong to as me.

Truth be told, there are costly sacrifices to be made on the way to real belonging -- because when it comes time to inhabit one’s next self, it may require breaking away from old habits, traditions, expectations, markers of security, and even certain relationships. These were all once things of real value that could be counted on, that held the former self together in a particular way.

I believe that working as a therapist has created in me an even greater sense of belonging and being at home in the world. I belong myself to those who are suffering, to those who are seeking relief and comfort. As I encounter people from all walks of life in the therapy room, as well as out in the community at large, I see the whole of the human family as indeed my own. I like to say to them, as I've said to myself, “You are welcome in my company just as you are. You are important to me.”

As we co-create spaces of belonging, we witness the shedding of protective layers and connect to our deepest humanity. And whether this process brings up excitement, curiosity, anxiety, sadness, grief, or anger, let us say, “There is a place for these feelings. They belong here, too.”

“Truth be told, there are costly sacrifices to be made on the way to real belonging — because when it comes time to inhabit one’s next self, it may require breaking away from old habits, traditions, expectations, markers of security, and even certain relationships.”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Tracy Lee, LMFT, offers holistic, culturally-sensitive therapy. She is passionate about Asian American mental health and BIPOC issues, including racial trauma, cultural identity challenges, intergenerational conflict, etc.