Home: Gravy and Biscuits

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

As I was reflecting back on what Home means to me, I continued to go back to memories of my mother cooking in the kitchen or teaching me how to make one of her specialty dishes. Homemade cooking was a very important thing to her as a Southern woman. This value has been passed down from generation to generation. Both my mother and grandmother (“mamaw”) take pride in their scratch cooking and believe in the merits of working hard to prepare a homemade meal. This value was passed down to me. Home to me means home-cooked meals. Home to me is waking up to the smell of homemade buttermilk biscuits and sausage being cooked for gravy.

One of my mother’s specialty dishes is her gravy and biscuits. This recipe has been passed on from my mamaw. What makes this dish so special is that it is made by hand and from memory. There is no recipe. My mother has always taken pride in her perfectly fluffy biscuits and creamy gravy. She has taught me over the years that the art of perfecting the biscuits is how you lightly handle the dough so that the it stays airy — this is what makes it fluffy. The trick with the gravy is to slowly stir until it is at its perfect consistency. Neither process can be rushed for it to turn out right.       

Thinking back on this memory as a child, I think about how much the process of making gravy and biscuits is similar to therapy. If we rush the process of therapy we will not get the result we desire. It can take time to move through the process of understanding ourselves and to remember that taking our time and being mindful is important so that we don't miss an important ingredient.

“Both my mother and grandmother (“mamaw”) take pride in their scratch cooking and believe in the merits of working hard to prepare a homemade meal....Home to me is waking up to the smell of buttermilk biscuits and sausage being cooked for gravy. ”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

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A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Eryn Lewis, MA, is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, IMF #186959, working under the professional supervision of Gabrielle Taylor, PhD, Psy #22054. Eryn works with individuals, couples and families on a broad range of issues including anxiety, depression, parent-child challenges, trauma, sexual abuse, and marital issues.

Home: Family

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“Home is where you find your heart, over and over again. Maybe in new ways, maybe in familiar ways, maybe in challenging ways…”

“Family” came to me most strongly as I first associated to the word “Home.” Recently, several family members and friends were evacuated from fires in the middle of the night in Los Angeles. Experiences like these have a way of heightening our senses and awareness and bringing crystal clarity to what we value, what we cherish, and what is most important.

Family has become the people in my life that I love, that support me, and who I support - the people that surround me; made up of blood relatives, friends, colleagues, and sometimes even an unexpected stranger where one of us meets the other and there’s a need or maybe a shared meaningful experience or a joy.

“Home is where the heart is” as the saying goes…I had a strong sense of home as a young child – very strong in fact. And for me home meant the physical home I lived in, my parents, my close neighbors, teacher, a few very close friends, school and our kitty furball at home.

Over time there were some big changes and my sense of home had to be expanded to new places, new people and other new loves. As much as I loved my first home, and wow, did I love it there!  – the grass outside, the canyon with the blackberries, the sunshine, and sunken living room with the music playing…it needed the people, the community, and the belonging within context to really locate me as HOME.

It was again clear more than ever that home is where you find your heart, over and over again. Maybe in new ways, maybe in familiar ways, maybe in challenging ways…

I am blessed to have a location to reside – a place I can go that is safe to live and to call home. I have a container for the experiences of my life in my dwelling, and in the dwellings of those I call family. And these places root me and provide memories that root me as well, in the neighborhoods, the stores, the familiar sights, sounds, smells of the blooms as they come and go, the rain, and, of course, food - the associations I have learned though the day to day, week to week, year to year living.

Miry’s List has a specialness in its mission in that it looks at home in all the ways we as humans need to feel we are safe - to feel like we have a sense of belonging; located in space and time with people that care and that we care for as well. Miry’s List goes beyond the obvious to what we all know constitutes real home. HOME is where the heart is…and our heart is housed in a body in space and time with an intricate working system to support it, keeping it pumping happily, resiliently, and strongly.

“Miry’s List has a specialness in its mission in that it looks at home in all the ways we as humans need to feel we are safe - to feel like we have a sense of belonging; located in space and time with people that care and that we care for as well.”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

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A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Michelle Levy, PhD, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Dr. Levy’s clinical interests focus on parenting practices, attachment, child mental health and developmental concerns as well as the effects of trauma on youth, families and communities. 

Home: Ducky

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“This sculpted mass of cotton and fluff became a soft and portable vessel where my sense of home resided. He allowed me to take that sense of security with me wherever I went.”

His name is Ducky. Not exactly the most creative choice, but it’s a fitting name considering he is an eight-inch tall plush-animal duck. His simple name aside, Ducky was my first best friend.

Now, many mature adults may think Ducky is just the sum of his parts: Cloth and stuffing. But if you were to see how I carried him with me as a child, I assure you, for a fleeting moment, you too would understand how real he is (*cough cough… I mean, was). This sculpted mass of cotton and fluff became a soft and portable vessel where my sense of home resided. He allowed me to take that sense of security with me wherever I went.

As it turns out, I am not alone in this attachment phenomenon. Many other children develop similar attachments to inanimate objects. In fact, by eighteen months of age, 60% of children form some kind of attachment with a soft object (e.g., plush or blanket). Researchers theorize inanimate object attachment allows a child a secondary secure-base to explore; in other words, the child projects their felt sense of security with a primary caregiver(s) onto another non-living entity and thus utilizes the secondary security object to increase their range/capacity to explore and learn from their surroundings.

Ducky definitely facilitated many of my exploration efforts. There were many times when I accompanied my mother (a physician) to the hospital when she made rounds. A hospital can be a scary and overwhelming place for anyone (let alone a young child) and I always brought Ducky with me to help pass the time. While I was normally shepherded to the doctor’s lounge to play on the wheel chairs and feast on what seemed like a neverending supply of doughnuts…. on one particular occasion, I was left at the nurses’ station. With Ducky on my lap, I patiently waited. I counted the number of times red lights flashed over patient doors and I tried to psychically incept a page for Dr. Evans over the hospital intercom.

What seemed like hours passed. And just as all sense of novelty began to wane… a jar caught my eye. Within the jar, there were what appeared to be small-ish brown boogers wiggling through the water. My curiosity overwhelmed me. Manipulating Ducky’s stubby arms around the lid, I proceeded to open the jar to investigate its contents further. As it turns out, those “boogers” were medical leeches and it was not until I had placed half a dozen onto myself, Ducky, and the desk where I sat waiting, that a nurse discovered my innocent transgression and released one of the most awesome screams I had ever heard to date.

While it’s arguable if the leech fiasco enhanced my overall understanding of the world around me, it did give me an experience that I will never forget. If I hadn’t brought Ducky with me that day, I probably would have never opened that jar. In fact, if I did not have Ducky, I probably would not have done a lot of things.  I probably would have been more shy on my first day of pre-school; I might have taken longer to learn how to ride a bike; or maybe I would not have made my bed every morning so Ducky could have a neat place to sit as he waited for me to get back from school. Having a separate entity like Ducky (to both rely on and provide for) enabled me to venture out in my environment where I was tasked with maturing intellectually and emotionally.

“Once the object that housed my burgeoning (but yet to be self-avowed) curiosity, Ducky now lives as a symbol of home – that intangible place I can come back to when the world around me gets scary. ”

Looking at Ducky now, he is tattered by love. Long gone is the bright yellow fluff that lined his body; now just grey porous cloth, worn ragged by the thousands of nights I held him as I went to sleep. His right foot is only a crudely stitched stub – a battle wound from the great dog-chewing incident of 1991. His beady plastic eyes, once lost in the yellow down of his face, now bulge from his threadbare fabric as if to see and know me more clearly than ever. Once the object that housed my burgeoning (but yet to be self-avowed) curiosity, Ducky now lives as a symbol of home – that intangible place I can come back to when the world around me gets scary. He reminds me I am brave, and competent, and am safe enough to remain curious because there is always some kind of home to come back to... even if that home is inside yourself … or in my case, a duck. 

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Lauren Ziel, MSW is a Registered Associate Clinical Social Worker, ASW #76483, working under the supervision of Saralyn Masselink, LCSW . Through the use of movement and mindfulness, Lauren develops specialized treatment for anxiety, depression, eating disorders, challenges in life-stage transitions, relational difficulties, and identity/intrapersonal development.

Home: A Process

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“That process of coming home to my inner world and to an expanded vision for my self in the outer world was one very much marked by stumbling and meandering.”

There was a process of coming home to my self that I was immersed in during the time that I ‘discovered’ the stack of books in my photo. I use quotations here for discovered because the books all somehow found me - through recommendations from trusted people in my life - more so than I found them. Each of their authors helped me to get in touch with my desire to become a psychotherapist after traveling along a much different career trajectory for years. That process of coming home to my inner world and to an expanded vision for my self in the outer world was one very much marked by stumbling and meandering.

I was (and will always be, I think) enamored with the idea that so much about the human psyche is unknowable - and yet since childhood I have had a hunger for knowledge about what makes us tick, grieve, or love. How does one become a person? What does it mean to be alive? What makes this life so painful and yet so rewarding at the same time? Many open-ended questions! These four books scratched some itches, but moreover, they initiated me into a deeper dialogue with ideas that had been swirling around in my head without much of a home to play in. It was a moving experience to encounter others, either from the past or present time, that were contending with these questions in such nuanced ways. It’s that sensation of finding something so right and so precise — it’s almost uncanny. Or the feeling of making a new friend when you have a moment of “No way, you too!? Wow, I thought I was the only one who _____.” Somehow the language that I found in these books reflected to me that I wasn’t alone and helped me remember that my mind was in relationship to other minds. They articulated things that I knew to be true in my gut, but unable to name with language before. This is what home signifies to me: it is a series of movements informed by resonance and reciprocity. And it’s a place to be known and understood - a place to be in dialogue - a place to be in process in a way that allows space for us to get to know ourselves and others over and over again. 

Taz’s Library (left to right):

-Quiet by Susan Cain

-Far from the Tree by Andrew Solomon

-Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

-We’ve Had One Hundred Years of Psychotherapy and the World’s Getting Worse by James Hillman and Michael Ventura

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Taz Morgan, MA, is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, IMF #99714, working under the supervision of Gabrielle Taylor, PhD. She has trained in Depth-oriented psychotherapy and works with adolescents, adults, and couples. 

Home: Safety

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“Like a fence protecting baby grass, some untouched territory can allow for steady growth. In the shelter of “home,” I can expand and decay, progress and regress, create and destroy— all without apology. ”

Home means safety to me. I think of the word “home” and I hear the sound of a deadbolt lock clicking in place. That sound is sweet and satisfying. It promises privacy. No intrusions and no interruptions. 

In a culture that glorifies the adventure-haver, the festival-goer, and the yes-sayer— I love the clear “no” that rings from a locked door. 

I swear I’m not a complete bummer-person, but I do believe in the beauty of boundaries. 

Like a fence protecting baby grass, some untouched territory can allow for steady growth. In the shelter of “home,” I can expand and decay, progress and regress, create and destroy— all without apology. 

In 1929, Virginia Woolf insisted that a “room of one’s own” would allow a woman to drop the act. She said a private place meant there was “…No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.” What wonderful permission she grants us. 

I think women in particular must allow themselves to close and lock the door. I mean that literally and metaphorically. This can be tough in a world that wants to consume us while simultaneously demanding our graciousness. It's hard to shake that instinct to be polite. But I have found few things more invigorating than denying someone access. 

Locks can be picked, though, and doors can be kicked open. Sacred spaces can be infiltrated or destroyed entirely. I know that safety is never a given and privacy is a privilege known to few. 

When circumstances won’t allow for solace I turn inward. And then I turn to Camus. He said, “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Katie Hurley, MSW, is an Associate Clinical Social Worker, ASW #89658 working under the supervision of Saralyn Masselink, LCSW #28617. Katie specializes in working with children and adolescents who are navigating depression, anxiety, trauma, and PTSD.

Home: Belonging

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

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“Who would you be if you trusted it was safe to belong?”
--Madison Morrigan

As a bicultural woman in the world, cultivating a true sense of belonging has not always been an easy task. You see, looking back, there were many times in my life when I felt like the outsider rather than the insider. In the early days of my quest for belonging, I found myself being a chameleon of sorts -- carefully reading the room, anticipating the needs of others (often times before they even knew it), and acting in ways I perceived to be most acceptable to the environment or group I happened to be in. All this "blending in" ultimately came at the cost of my self-erasure.

Since then, a significant part of my growth process has been learning to pay more loving attention to myself -- that is, integrating the many different parts of my identity and personhood, honoring my needs, and living out my truths. My journey “home,” simply put, has been about finding a voice and belonging from within. And this, simultaneously, has led me to discover people and places to safely belong to as me.

Truth be told, there are costly sacrifices to be made on the way to real belonging -- because when it comes time to inhabit one’s next self, it may require breaking away from old habits, traditions, expectations, markers of security, and even certain relationships. These were all once things of real value that could be counted on, that held the former self together in a particular way.

I believe that working as a therapist has created in me an even greater sense of belonging and being at home in the world. I belong myself to those who are suffering, to those who are seeking relief and comfort. As I encounter people from all walks of life in the therapy room, as well as out in the community at large, I see the whole of the human family as indeed my own. I like to say to them, as I've said to myself, “You are welcome in my company just as you are. You are important to me.”

As we co-create spaces of belonging, we witness the shedding of protective layers and connect to our deepest humanity. And whether this process brings up excitement, curiosity, anxiety, sadness, grief, or anger, let us say, “There is a place for these feelings. They belong here, too.”

“Truth be told, there are costly sacrifices to be made on the way to real belonging — because when it comes time to inhabit one’s next self, it may require breaking away from old habits, traditions, expectations, markers of security, and even certain relationships.”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Tracy Lee, LMFT, offers holistic, culturally-sensitive therapy. She is passionate about Asian American mental health and BIPOC issues, including racial trauma, cultural identity challenges, intergenerational conflict, etc.

Home: Refuge

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“...home...is any place where I feel safe to experience all the different human emotions with other safe humans present - a refuge amidst change and uncertainty.”

Eleven years ago, my childhood home burned down in a wildfire. I no longer lived there, but many of my memories did. There were the obvious losses like family photos that were irreplaceable--most of which were not digitized. However, other things that I missed took me by surprise: light blue bed sheets, a brown and red afghan, my doll house that I'd had since childhood, blue rimmed plates my parents received at their wedding, old yearbooks with signatures, and my collection of notes and cards. I miss all of our family's eclectic Christmas ornaments that had been gathered over many years and included a popcorn chain for the tree my parents made in the 80s (maybe we saved that one a little too long, but it held so many memories).

The year of the fire, I came back to my hometown for Christmas with some feelings of dread. Could my parents’ replacement rental feel like home? I needn’t have worried. I quickly realized it was the people who gathered there that made it home. My family, my friends, my neighbors, and my extended community all rallied round. Miraculously, no one lost their life in this particular wildfire, and being back, and seeing the damage made the danger of the fire more real to me. It also made me think about how much more we could have lost. It was people that mattered. And it was the kindness of people that helped my family get some of the basic material things they needed to get back on track in the short term.

It was with these people, my family and friends, that I took refuge. Refuge is the word I chose to describe my sense of home because it means being safe or sheltered, and home is a safe place for me - a place that can hold me during the many storms of life. There are familiar and sentimental material things in my home now that make it feel special, comfortable, and welcoming to me, and the actual structural component of a physical home is important for survival. However, I know the feeling of home is more than the material things. It is any place where I feel safe to experience all the different human emotions with other safe humans present - a refuge amidst change and uncertainty.

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Sarah Butcher, LMFT, specializes in treating children, teens, new and postpartum parents, and young adults. Her work with children in developmental play therapy led to her certification as a DIR Intermediate Floortime provider.

Home: Connectedness

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

It wasn’t until about a decade after I moved away, that I gradually stopped thinking of home as a suburban house in Midwestern America with floral wallpaper in the bedroom and vanity mirror in the back corner where I practiced putting on black eyeliner. There were parts of myself that I discovered, named and even let go of, in those walls. I had imagined that my home was enveloped within those walls, and even though I had left, that the ‘homeness’ stayed put. I might have needed that fantasy, until I could develop another sense of home to hold. Since leaving that house, I have had several rooms, apartments and houses where I have dwelled and called home. Some of those places I felt right at home in—a place I could relax and look forward to returning at the end of the day. For others, I dreaded the return. Over the course of several moves, I began noticing that my sense of homeness had much more to do with how I felt on the inside, than any combination of what I put on the walls that surrounded me. 

I believe now, that we become who we are through the relationships we’ve been in, and seeing ourselves through others’ eyes. My sense of home is in these relationships, which may shift and change over time. The relationships that I felt most at home in earlier in my life, while still important, may not be my sense of home now. Home, for me, is an experience of feeling connected to parts of myself that I love, in relationships where I can let myself thrive in loving others. Part of my home is with Suzanne and Gil, Yoon and Lucy, Nancy, Mia, Andy, Kim and Matt, my Monday training group and Saturday process group. These are the places where I return when I’ve lost my sense of home and want to find my way back: where parts of me that are hard to hold will be cared for, while I can regain connection to those parts of myself that I love, and be reminded that those parts are there. 

For those who are refugees, the loss of home is deep and complex, internal and external. Giving to Miry’s list is a way I can offer a kindness to those who are finding their way to a new home. As I give, I remember times when I, albeit in a very different way, have lost my sense of home and leaned into the work of finding it anew. 

“I believe now, that we become who we are through the relationships we’ve been in, and seeing ourselves through others’ eyes. My sense of home is in these relationships...”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Saralyn Masselink, LCSW, is a clinical supervisor at Michelle Harwell Therapy and a relational therapist who compassionately engages her patients. She specializes in the treatment of anxiety and depressive disorders, eating disorders, couples and family therapy, and substance use disorders.

Home: Being Known

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“Everybody has a home team: It’s the people you call when you get a flat tire or when something terrible happens. It’s the people who, near or far, know everything that’s wrong with you and love you anyways. These are the ones who tell you their secrets, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they’re at your house. These are the people who cry when you cry. These are your people, your middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what people.”

-  Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way”

In one of the chapters in her book, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way, Shauna Niequist describes the importance of having a home team. This home team is a community of people that you can count on, that you feel connected to and that make you feel known. Niequist highlights how this home team can change through time and seasons in your life. There is sweetness in being known by someone in all your humanness and still choosing to love you — that is home for me.

 In this season of reflection on the word ‘home’ at MHT, places come to mind such as my childhood home, that restaurant in San Pedro, and that grocery store that always plays Spanish music. Some people also come to mind, individuals who are my family and those that have become family. My home team – in their presence I feel known, seen, and connected. Over the last decade, I’ve discovered the power of being known and the comfort of being in a space or in the presence of someone who symbolizes home.

Home holds many meanings for every individual. As I reflect on the importance of being known – I think about the immigrants, refugees, and asylum seekers hoping for a place to call home and a community where they feel known, once they have established safety in their new space. There is so much importance in ‘being known’ in order to feel at home.

“There is sweetness in being known by someone in all your humanness and still choosing to love you — that is home for me. ”

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

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A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Paloma Franco, MS, is a Registered Psychological Assistant #PSB94024942 working under the supervision of Gabrielle Taylor, PhD, PSY# 22054. Paloma is a bilingual (Spanish & English) therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families to address a variety of issues, including anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship issues, and cultural challenges.

Home: That Feeling of Comfort

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

“I was struck by something Miry [Whitehill] shared with us at Michelle Harwell Therapy when she came to tell us about how Miry’s List works: the importance of the color of the sheets.”

I was struck by something Miry [Whitehill] shared with us at Michelle Harwell Therapy when she came to tell us about how Miry’s List works: the importance of the color of the sheets.

Miry’s List helps families get set up with essential household items, like sheets and towels and backpacks. All of these kinds of things are necessary for getting life started - but Miry reflected with us about the way little details, like getting to choose a familiar color of sheets, can sometimes bring back a breath home. And so Miry’s list partners with each family in a very individualized way to create household wishlists, complete with these kinds of details, that will help families get started with making a new home here in LA.

This resonated with me and I thought about how much sensory kinds of things contribute to my own sense of being at home. Smells and flavors and familiar objects contribute to this sensory-texture of home.

These socks, in particular, I love to wear at home. To me, they represent comfort at all levels - they are cozy and happy and sorta weird. There is a kind of internal rest and safety I step into whenever I pull them on.

This Thanksgiving season, as we fundraise with our new neighbors in mind, I am grateful for the small but mighty contributions of little details, like familiar sheets or socks, to give us a sense of being where we belong.

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HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.

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Allison (Allie) Ramsey is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Therapist. Allie works with individuals on a broad range of issues, including anxiety, depression, relational challenges, faith integration, divorce, and aging.