Imperfect Parenting Group - New Members Welcome

When my son was two years old I joined a playgroup through a community outreach organization. The goal of this organization was to bring mothers and children of the same age, living in the same community, together for a weekly play date. Although the mothers and toddlers had community in common, we were diverse in many ways. Reflecting back, our ability to embrace and honor each others' differences created a safe space to parent with authenticity.  Feelings of overwhelm, confusion and frustration as a parent were met with understanding - there was no pressure to be “perfect.” As our children played, we shared parenting tips and explored how are own emotional process challenged or supported our parenting. We utilized each other’s knowledge and strengths and leaned on each other for support.

“...our ability to embrace and honor each others’ differences created a safe space to parent with authenticity. Feelings of overwhelm, confusion and frustration as a parent were met with understanding - there was no pressure to be ‘perfect.’”

Through the preschool years, we build memories together at local parks, children’s museums and backyard visits. We delivered meals when siblings were born and celebrated our children’s milestones together. We had successfully created a village.

Several years later, members have moved, children have gone to different schools and a couple of friendships remain a valuable part of my present life. Looking back, that special group of women reinforced that we are all imperfect parents seeking community, connection and acceptance.

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Laura MacRae-Serpa, MFTI, CCLS has special interests in supporting children and families navigating adoption and the challenges of chronic illness.

Poetic Play

     There is something poetic about children’s play. Like a poems’ meter and line breaks, play also has rhythmic measures and choice pauses.  Both can be emotionally charged and offer the opportunity to peer through another’s lens. They require few words to make us think, and often help us learn and reflect on everyday things. In poetry as in play, words may be symbols and contain hidden messages. Both require mindful engagement to read between the lines. Poetry like play can be enjoyed alone or with a group and be short and humorous, flowing and long lasting, or anything in between.       

“In the same way that poetry allows us to share and be touched by the human experience, play allows children to imagine, create, connect and rise about their daily selves. ”

Poetry offers the opportunity to switch off automatic pilot and be jolted by something profound, meaningful and beautiful. In the same way that poetry allows us to share and be touched by the human experience, play allows children to imagine, create, connect and rise above their daily selves.

-Laura MacRae-Serpa, MFTI, CCLS has special interests in supporting children and families navigating adoption and the challenges of chronic illness.

All Imagery from this post are by the author and illustrator Shel Silverstein.

The Power of Play

      I was fortunate to have parents who saw value in unstructured play. I was encouraged to spend my free time as, a worm surgeon, astronaut or potion maker. I had my father’s entrepreneurial spirit so, my unstructured playtime brewed many business ventures. For example, I was determined to invent weed killer when I was seven years old. I transformed into a scientist mixing concoctions of aftershave, perfume, toothpaste and other random bathroom supplies in old ice cream buckets. I fermented the mixtures under my bed and waited patiently for my weed poison to develop. I poured buckets of mixtures over unsuspecting weeds in the garden only to discover them growing stronger week after week. Failure? Heck no, I had invented plant food! When bathroom supplies ran low, I painted rocks from that same garden to look like ladybugs and sold them to my neighbors as paperweights. I eventually decided to expand from sole proprietorship to partnership with my friend across the street. Due to limited customers, we needed to switch up products and services often. Paperweights turned to lemonade and car washes in the summer months. During down times, we stayed busy negotiating business roles and rules. If I was bossy, then I was met with a kick in the shins or another swift reminder that playing successfully with others required relationship not dictatorship. I learned quickly that planning and creating was powerful when it was a shared process.

“I imagined, created and shared. I learned that failure ultimately leads to success and that success is sweeter when it’s shared with others.”

     Reflecting back on that year, I recognize my unstructured playtime facilitated resiliency through skill building, relationships and a sense of community. I hypothesized, tested and persevered. I imagined, created and shared. I learned that failure ultimately leads to success and that success is sweeter when it’s shared with others. As a parent and clinician, I am not aware of a single structured activity for children providing lessons so powerful. Although many structured activities do indeed hold value, unstructured play facilitates endless opportunities for children to exercise relationships, ideas and choices. For many children, homework and multiple structured activities leave little time for unstructured play. As parents, we are bombarded with “optimal choices” for our children's time. In a society where structured activities are marketed with promises of providing children with an edge, I think it is important to pause and consider what we might be edging out. 

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Laura MacRae-Serpa, MFTI, CCLS has special interests in supporting children and families navigating adoption and the challenges of chronic illness.