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resiliency

The Resilience of a Long-Distance Runner: An Interview with Nadia Ruiz, Educator and Coach

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The Resilience of a Long-Distance Runner: An Interview with Nadia Ruiz, Educator and Coach

Eryn Lewis: Hello! Good to see you.

Nadia Ruiz: You too!

Eryn: Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me. We’re just gonna jump right in..and again, I so appreciate you talking with me. For back story here, my colleague Tracy and I are curating a newsletter around the theme of resilience. As I was considering the people in life who really mirror the true definition of resilience, you came to mind. So, I’d love to hear what comes to mind for you to be thought of as so closely connected to what I consider resilient. And also could you describe a little about what you do and about who you are?

Nadia: Yeah, so my name is Nadia Ruiz. I’m an endurance coach and also a biology educator. My background is in education, endurance sports, and also in [sports] competition. I’ve been teaching for 10 years - biology. And I’ve been a competitive athlete for 22 years and have been coaching for 15 years. So, all of them have meshed together and created who I am over time. In regard to resilience or resiliency, when I saw that word, I definitely remembered that moment when we were at the retreat - that self-development retreat where you had to choose one word that you feel best represents yourself. And it was really interesting how we were kinda close together and we were both like “Resiliency, yes!” We personally know our journeys but sometimes others may not know about our struggles. And coming out of those struggles is really important. The word resilience definitely has a significant meaning for me.

Eryn: A little background for those you don’t know…I know Nadia because she was my coach for my first LA marathon…or first marathon. So, in that time when were training, we were able to go to different retreats with our team of 10, and we were able to do a lot of mindfulness exercises practices. That’s what Nadia is talking about…a time when we were able to go to Joshua Tree as a team, and we found that word that felt so fitting to describe our running experience. So..what inspired you to become a runner? Can you tell us a bit about that?

Nadia: It was by accident. It was in middle school; around that age. I did not come from sports. I didn’t do team sports. I had two left foot. Really any team sports was kinda difficult for you. So, I was doing my homework one night and I saw the Ironman World Championship on TV. And I was like “What is this!?” People are basically racing all day from sunrise to sunset. I just didn’t really understand…wow, what is this?!? It’s a 2.4 mile swim, a 112-mile bicycle ride and a 26.2-mile run. And when I actually thought about it, I was like, “Wow, the human body can actually do that! That’s amazing.”  Professional athletes have always inspired me. They are amazing people. But what really touched my soul was the real stories of the real people who had full-time [non-athletic] careers, who were parents, who were overcoming a divorce, who were overcoming such struggle in their life, and they gave themselves this goal to complete an Ironman. I felt really inspired and thought I think I could do that. If these real people who are struggling with something in their lives can make this goal for themselves without having any particular ‘talent’ or career as a professional athlete, then why can’t I? Why can’t I try at least? So, I started doing the research. I found that it was an expensive sport. I had to be 18 years old to compete. I thought, let me start with one of the three sports that might be the easiest to get into so that I could go ahead and start. So, I started with running. And I thought, okay, marathon, let me sign up! I did my first marathon when I was 14 years old. I had just started cross-country [running] in high school. I hadn’t run anything more than 5 miles. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was just signing up [for the marathon] completely blindfolded. I told my parents about a week before the race - the LA Marathon in 1999 - that I signed up for it. I said, “Someone else on the cross-country team is running it with me, and I think I can do it.” My dad was 40 years old at the time, and he was like “How? And why is my daughter doing this? I’m not gonna let her do it by yourself?”

Eryn: How old were you again?

Nadia: 14! And my dad was 40. We did our first marathon together, and we had not run more than 5 miles ever. And it was only two days before the marathon that we had our longest training run. These are all the wrong things to do when you train for a marathon! (laughs) That first marathon was the absolute biggest enlightening experience of self-discovery, of my mind, of my mental strength, of the physical pain that I can endure as a 14-year old. The more you’re unprepared for something, the more it becomes painful to go through. Sharing with my dad was even more special. It was at mile 12 that I finally just sat down at the curb, and felt like I was defeated…completely emotionally defeated; physically defeated, everything, and I said “I’m not going to reach my goal.” I was so used to be an over-achiever and for me to feel defeated and e to hug my legs and start crying of pain….My dad just kneeled next to me and he said: “Mija, we’re in this together. I’m here with you. We’re gonna finish. If you put you’re mind to it, you can do anything. You can do anything.” I had no excuse. If my dad, someone who loves me, is counting on me, then that really counts.

Image source: https://nadiatherunner.blogspot.com/

Image source: https://nadiatherunner.blogspot.com/

Eryn: He really believed in you!

Nadia: Yeah, I stood up and we finished that race together, hand in hand, crying. And that’s when I fell in love with running. I fell in love with running.

Eryn: That was your first race?

Nadia: That was my first marathon.

Eryn: Okay, wow, what an experience — and one to run with your father! It sounds like it’s such a beautiful perspective — that running is a mind, body, and emotional experience. And you as a 14-year old were able to say, “Oh my goodness, these IronMan athletes are able do this even considering all that is happening in their lives.”  You were consciously considering that. And you saw that it wasn’t a barrier for them and how there’s a true resilience in that. And we will get into that later about how obstacles have influenced your running career and life. Yeah, I love that perspective. We’re gonna shift gears a little bit. This now a career for you. You’re training people now…and you’ve been doing this for years now. You started running as an athlete at 14. How long has this been a career for you?

Nadia: Coaching? For 15 years. 

Eryn: Oh, that’s right. 

Nadia: I was able to pick up coaching while I was teaching. So, I first started coaching cross-county and track and then I started coaching for LAUSD and for Students Run LA. And then I started coaching for companies; brands, and it kinda evolved from there. 

Eryn: Has your gender or racial identity impacted your experience in the running world?

Nadia: Yes. In very unique way. I was trying to think about this concept in light of what’s going on today. Over time, maybe the more competitive I got, I think I was made more aware of my gender. It was hard to be a competitive female. Because sometimes females don’t want to be as competitive or they feel challenged in a way and want a safe space. And they don’t feel like high competition for females can be a safe space. But it’s mining the right way to communicate about it; finding the right way to connect people in order for it not to be an issue and be something that helps uplifts you. Same thing with racial identity. Even when I was competitive in the Boston Marathon.. Typically, for most races it’s mostly 60% female and 40% . But for Boston, it’s actually reversed. So, it’s a race where you have to qualify so anywhere between 60-65% are male and then the rest is female. I even reached out to the BAA [Boston Athletic Association] to ask why is this so. And they said, “Well, we’re trying…we’ve had to change the qualification times to encourage women to qualify more; to be part of the field. And we want more women representation. So, the standards are a little more relaxed for females.” So, that’s great and that does encourage women…But whenever I run the Boston Marathon, I do notice the racial [makeup] is different, minorities aren’t really represented as much. There’s a lot of factors to that, it’s not only just race, it’s also socioeconomic. It’s also the cost of the race, the cost to travel. Going to Boston and New York are probably one of the most expensive race weekends, because everything usually is hiked up for the city. Again, there’s a lot of factors that play into it. I do feel, just having a science background, even when I used to be in my lecture halls, there was an under-representation of minorities. And it wasn’t just Latina, it wasn’t just one particular race. It was minorities that were underrepresented. And I’ve had to battle with that my whole life, whether it’s in running, whether it’s in academia, or whether it’s in my work. But I don’t allow that to be a factor that holds me down. Instead, it motivates me. It motivates me to keep working hard. Even if I have to work harder, that’s ok. I can’t let myself down. I can’t let my family down. I come from an immigrant family, where my parents have left everything. They left everything in their country and came with nothing and they built something. And they made that sacrifice for their children. So for me, if my parents can do that, then I can overcome this obstacle. I can find a way, even if it is hard. Even if I sometimes feel like I am struggling. So, resiliency does come into play there, too.

Eryn: You said “battling through it” or “pushing through it,” was there anything that helped you in moving through that? Whether you used your voice to advocate for yourself and your racial identity? Or have you felt like you could have a voice behind the struggles that you’ve experienced?

Nadia: I do know that the more a person struggles, the more important it is to find a support group and find someone that can help you get out of it, because there were times that I felt “I’m just going to tuck my head in, and try to grind through it by myself” - but it’s not a safe way. It could work sometimes, but most of the time, if you’re really struggling, it’s important to connect with people who might understand your story, who have already overcome that same obstacle and can guide you and help you. I’ve realized every time that I feel like I’ve hit a real low in my life, or a real big challenge or struggle, maybe I’ll try to overcome it alone, but it’s not easy. The moment that people reach out to me, or I find that support group to help, it’s a lot more heartwarming and I’m able to overcome it.

Eryn: It’s a good reminder that we can’t do this life alone, especially with these significant obstacles, and that it’s really important to connect with the people who are struggling with a similar thing. I’d say that ties in really well with what’s going on in our communities today. Not only if you’re not experiencing it, being from a learner perspective, but people who have experienced it firsthand, it’s really important that they have a community of people who have experienced it. A shared experience can really be healing. So, thank you for sharing that.

Have you faced setbacks or obstacles in your running, life, or career? What has that looked like? And how have you gotten past that and pushed through those obstacles?

Nadia: Definitely yes, obstacles have happened throughout my life. Whether it be through the smaller ones in high school, the more challenging ones in college, grad school, developing your life, teaching – I think the most vivid obstacles this year have been a big challenge. I feel like I’m getting every obstacle thrown at me over the last year. It’s a learning period, it’s a period of taking it one day at a time and understanding what’s happening. But I’m still remaining to the core of trying to be positive, proactive, and trying to see the end of each obstacle and try to tackle them and not put them all on one plate and not think that I can do it alone. So the obstacles have definitely been there, and a whole lot recently, as many of us are challenged with what’s happening in the world.

Eryn: You’ve been doing this for 15 years, and all of the sudden in this past year, things have shifted dramatically for you in your career. I’m curious how those 15 years have set you up to be able to survive and live through this pandemic. Do you feel set up to bear all the obstacles of COVID-19 and everything that has come your way? Has that been a good foundation for you?

Nadia: Definitely, yes. One reason is my dad has always said “Make sure you plan for a rainy day.” Make sure you plan for when there’s a storm coming, not just for a day, or a week, or maybe months – there’s going to be lows for a period of your life. And I thought previously that there were lows and challenges that I’ve had to overcome, but nothing like what I’ve had to overcome this past year, and especially in the last 6 months. This 6 months have been a very trying period. Everything I’ve learned, everything I’ve built, everything I’ve saved, everything I’ve gone through in the 35 years of my life has allowed me to take on the tsunami of obstacles I’ve had this past 6 months. It’s all in the mindset, it’s all in skills, it’s all in saving. Then another key aspect is creativity and being creative and positive. So many coaches and people in the creative field and independent contractors have been challenged at this time. We’ve lost everything. Either our entire business or a significant portion of our business. We’re trying to find a pivot. How can we evolve with what’s happening? How can we still remain positive with what’s happening? How can we continuously be informed of what’s happening, but also plan not only for 3 months ahead, 6 months ahead, but for the coming years, and as things keep changing every day and every week, it’s just staying in that creative and positive mindset and trying to flourish.

Eryn: It’s such a crucial time to make sure your mind stays healthy. Especially with all these obstacles and a lot of unknowns that are happening. The mindset and keeping your mind sharp and creative sounds like it’s pulling you out of the muck as you continue to experience and bear these obstacles that are coming, whether you know its coming or not, you keep your mind sharp, and you can finish this long, long race that we just don’t know when it’s going to end and what it’s going to look like. 

Nadia Ruiz, Educator and Coach

Image source: https://nadiatherunner.blogspot.com/

So, thank you! Thank you so much for your vulnerability and your honesty and taking this time. I know that it’s hard to find time, especially through this new normal, and trying to find a routine and trying to find opportunities to still tell your story, because I know that that’s been something that these last 15 years has truly been about – being that inspiration and that coach and being in big communities and sharing your voice. I know that you’ve impacted a lot of people. So I appreciate you carving out this time in your crazy schedule now. I want to give you an opportunity to share one last message of encouragement with our community. I’m curious what that would be considering what we’re all going through, what you’re going through, what’s one message that could collectively support our community in this time that you would want to leave to end our conversation.

Nadia: I think the one thing I can definitely resonate with right now is – it’s ok to feel what you feel. Emotions are real. If you’re feeling weak, if you’re feeling sad, whatever it is that you’re feeling, it’s ok to feel it. Know you’re not alone. Know that you can get through this, but you have to reach out to that support circle in your life of people that love you. Because there are people in your life that love you, that want to see you achieve and succeed and overcome the obstacles you’re overcoming. Recognize those feelings and embrace yourself. I know sometimes it’s very, very hard, and you’re in a low moment, but embrace those emotions and reach out.

Eryn: I love that. Thank you so much! I wish I could give you a hug. I’ll air hug you from here!

Nadia: Well, we’ve shared so many memories together and it’s been such a pleasure. Even just to hear your voice, it’s just a reminder of the joys that we’ve shared together. It’s just always been a pleasure.

Eryn: Same. You’re an inspiration to me, so I really, really appreciate you. I could hear your story multiple times and hear something different and hear something inspiring and motivating. SO I’m encouraged and I hope others are as well!

Nadia: Thank you!


Nadia Ruiz, MA, is an educator, endurance athlete, and coach. By the age of 28, Nadia earned the title as “The Youngest Latina to Run 100 Marathons in the World.” She can be found on Instagram here: @irongirlnadia.


Eryn Lewis, MA, is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, IMF #186959, working under the professional supervision of Gabrielle Taylor, PhD, Psy #22054. Eryn works with individuals, couples and families on a broad range of issues including anxiety, depression, parent-child challenges, trauma, sexual abuse, and marital issues.

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Home: Refuge

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Home: Refuge

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

...home...is any place where I feel safe to experience all the different human emotions with other safe humans present - a refuge amidst change and uncertainty.
Sarah Butcher, LMFT.jpg

Eleven years ago, my childhood home burned down in a wildfire. I no longer lived there, but many of my memories did. There were the obvious losses like family photos that were irreplaceable--most of which were not digitized. However, other things that I missed took me by surprise: light blue bed sheets, a brown and red afghan, my doll house that I'd had since childhood, blue rimmed plates my parents received at their wedding, old yearbooks with signatures, and my collection of notes and cards. I miss all of our family's eclectic Christmas ornaments that had been gathered over many years and included a popcorn chain for the tree my parents made in the 80s (maybe we saved that one a little too long, but it held so many memories).

The year of the fire, I came back to my hometown for Christmas with some feelings of dread. Could my parents’ replacement rental feel like home? I needn’t have worried. I quickly realized it was the people who gathered there that made it home. My family, my friends, my neighbors, and my extended community all rallied round. Miraculously, no one lost their life in this particular wildfire, and being back, and seeing the damage made the danger of the fire more real to me. It also made me think about how much more we could have lost. It was people that mattered. And it was the kindness of people that helped my family get some of the basic material things they needed to get back on track in the short term.

It was with these people, my family and friends, that I took refuge. Refuge is the word I chose to describe my sense of home because it means being safe or sheltered, and home is a safe place for me - a place that can hold me during the many storms of life. There are familiar and sentimental material things in my home now that make it feel special, comfortable, and welcoming to me, and the actual structural component of a physical home is important for survival. However, I know the feeling of home is more than the material things. It is any place where I feel safe to experience all the different human emotions with other safe humans present - a refuge amidst change and uncertainty.


HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

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A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.


Sarah Butcher, LMFT, specializes in treating children, teens, new and postpartum parents, and young adults. Her work with children in developmental play therapy led to her certification as a DIR Intermediate Floortime provider.

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Home: A Place to Dwell

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Home: A Place to Dwell

This November, MHT is participating in the Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraising Drive. The money goes to programs that support refugee families that have been resettled in the United States. In tandem with these efforts, our clinicians are writing posts reflecting on what home means to them.

Michelle Harwell Therapy

As children, I think we take for granted that a home is gifted to us. It’s made for us through the routines, the four walls that surround and the emotional rhythms that build a sense of familiarity and holding. As we grow, that sense of belonging to a place and a people translates to a more robust internal belonging and holding that allows us to venture further and further out into the world...but this is tricky because the world is not a stable place. It’s ever-changing and so are we. At moments, that is utterly terrifying — and also wild and wonderful, if we can tolerate it. As Heraclitus says, “No (wo)man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and (s)he's not the same (wo)man.”

So in the midst of such constant change, how do we still find a way to be in the world, to build a home under ever-changing conditions? I think the answer is found not in the concept of home per se but what a home provides us, which is a place of dwelling. To dwell is to linger, to safely be. In adult life we have to work at it, with intentionality, to find places, people, and practices that helps us make contact with our beingness. I identify these connections and spaces in the form of an exhale. When I truly breathe out, I know I’ve found a piece of home and a place to dwell.

...how do we still find a way to be in the world, to build a home under ever-changing conditions? I think the answer is found not in the concept of home per se but what a home provides us, which is a place of dwelling.

HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN FRIENDSGIVING WITH US:

Give! Visit our Miry’s List campaign page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of November. We will be reflecting on what it means to be welcomed, received, and known.

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Miry’s List Friendsgiving Fundraiser page.

******

A little about Miry’s List:
Refugee families come to the United States seeking a safe haven from violence and persecution in their home countries. They leave behind family and friends, as well as virtually everything they own. Many Americans, seeing these families in their communities, wonder: What can I do to help? Miry's List provides a mechanism for people to directly help new arrival refugee families with the things that they need to get started in their new lives – from diapers to beds to cleaning supplies and toiletries. To learn more, visit miryslist.org.


Michelle Harwell, PsyD, LMFT is an expert trainer, respected speaker, and licensed therapist in trauma and attachment. She is noted for her specialization in areas of development, attachment, trauma, and neuroscience, and her ability to communicate complex topics with clarity and humor. 

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Why We Dressember

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Why We Dressember

This is a collaborative piece from MHT therapists Taz Morgan and Maria Elena Marquez. They attended the Dressember 2017 Kickoff Party on Thursday, November 30 at the Unique Space in Downtown LA. 


Last week we ventured to the Arts District to attend the Official Dressember Kickoff Party. We weren’t sure what to expect from the event but whatever fantasies we may have had were completely blown out of the water. It was such an impressive and inspiring night of style, generosity and community — all tenets of The Dressember Foundation

Maria Elena admiring some of the styles from the 2017 Dressember Collection. 

Maria Elena admiring some of the styles from the 2017 Dressember Collection. 

After making a beeline to the food truck, we took in all that the activity of the party - a photo booth, a gingerbread cookie decorating station, a craft table, and a display of The 2017 Dressember Dress Collection, designed by advocates and ethically made by Elegantees. Of note, Elegantees employs survivors of human trafficking in Nepal. 

An hour into the party, the emcees (two Dressember board members) took the stage and introduced Dressember founder Blythe Hill. Not only did Blythe speak about the issue of human trafficking and why she is committed to giving grants to non-profits that strive to put an end to violent oppression but she shared how her own experience of sexual trauma has impacted her life. The vulnerability with which she spoke about the burden of shame was palpable. Moreover, we resonated with Blythe's declaration that going to therapy had helped her regain a sense of resiliency and strength, which in turn, propelled her to make a more expansive mark on the world. Furthermore, she talked about a fire being ignited in her soul at the age of 19 to put an end to sex trafficking. Her passionate spirit has indeed fueled the Dressember movement - and in that moment, we both felt a resounding sense of urgency in our own bellies and turned to look at each other - silently acknowledging that we were experiencing something special with this kind of truth-telling. 

Blythe Hill, Founder and CEO of Dressember. 

Blythe Hill, Founder and CEO of Dressember. 

Next up on the stage were advocates from A21 and International Justice Mission (IJM), two major Dressember partner organizations. The A21 representative told a story about a trafficking survivor who had been a typical teenage girl in Bulgaria. One day this young woman went out on a mid-day coffee date with a young man. She got up to use the bathroom and while she was away from the table, he drugged her drink. The next thing she knew she was strapped to a bed in Greece. The advocate went on to highlight this woman's astounding recovery of hope and freedom. The very charismatic representative from IJM spoke about her work in rescuing children from exploitation in the Philippines. She, too, mentioned the importance of mental health services for survivors. Finally, she got everyone in the room to move to a dance that survivors from a rescue in Manila created. 

Towards the end of the night, the emcees presented guests with a challenge to raise enough money for two rescue missions. Witnessing people lining up to make a donations to the cause was heart-warming and just what we needed to ramp up even more enthusiasm about our team fundraising campaign this year.


The Dressember Foundation is an anti-trafficking nonprofit organization with an annual campaign in December where people take on the challenge of wearing either a dress or a tie every day of the month as a way to raise awareness and money for anti-trafficking work.

For more information, we recommend checking them on Instagram or Facebook in addition to visiting their official website


HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTICIPATE IN DRESSEMBER WITH US:

Give! Visit our Dressember page and make a donation. It's that simple and no sum is too small. Truly.

Follow! Be sure to follow us on Instagram and our blog throughout the month of December. 

Share!  Help us spread the word. You can do this by sharing our social media posts or links to our Dressember fundraising page.


Dressember Party 01.jpg

Taz MorganMA, is a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, IMF #99714, working under the supervision of Vanessa Spooner, PsyD. She has trained in Depth-oriented psychotherapy and works with adolescents, adults, and couples. 

Maria Elena Marquez, MA, is a bilingual Spanish-English Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, IMF #103470, working under the supervision of Michelle Harwell, PsyD, LMFT.  As an art therapist, Maria is passionate about helping clients unravel complex cultural beliefs and family pressures through the use of expressive art.

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Humans of MHT: An Interview with Laura MacRae-Serpa

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Humans of MHT: An Interview with Laura MacRae-Serpa

Our Humans of MHT series continues this month by spotlighting Laura MacRae-Serpa as she shares her love of learning and play with fellow intern Allie. 

Allie: Okay, so hi Laura, I'm so excited that I get to interview you. It was all random, who interviewed who. And it feels very special to me to get to talk with you about humanness and about your work as a therapist, I think, because you're someone who –  as a therapist and a human – I admire a lot.

Laura: Thank you, Allie.

A: I feel like you do such a amazing job of making the heart connection with people, but also just being extremely skilled and knowledgeable. Sometimes people have one of those [capacities] more than the other and I feel like you have both in abundance so it's um -

L: Thank you, I feel the same way about you.

A: Thank you. So, I'm curious, I want to hear about your picture in our humans of MHT photo series. I'm especially curious about your goggles picture. What's going on with your goggles?

L: Soap making. So that's one thing I like to do as a hobby is make soap. And you have to use lye at one point, so you have to protect your eyes, wear gloves, and you get to look like a scientist for a moment (laughter).

A: That's so fun! So you enjoy the lye process in particular then? Is that why you picked the goggles?

L: (laughter) Yes I do. I like taking anything and mixing it. So, soap making, baking, you know, a lot of things that children play with – I just enjoy that process.

A: You like having different ingredients, that you're putting into the pot –

L: Anything I can mix together in a pot, and see what it comes out as, I like.

A: Yeah, I love that. Um, well, lye is a really fascinating one to think about too, because it's poisonous, right?

L: Yes (laughs).

A: So, but there you are, creating something very nice and healthful.

L: Yes I am.

A: Do you feel like there any, like how do you make sense of that maybe even metaphorically: The mixing of the lye into your pot to make soap, and you like mixing all different kinds of things together in play or in therapy?

L: Yeah, I think symbolically, when we think about pieces of ourselves, you know, we mix the good in with the not-so-great. Or what we perceive as not so great. But you know I think it's the sum of the parts that create the whole, which obviously, you know, the end result can be a beautiful thing.

A: Mmm.

L: A valuable, worthy thing.

A: Mmm, yeah, I like that. That's kind of an interesting comment, you slipped in there – just the parts that we maybe think are less valuable

L: Right.

A: What what do you mean by that?

L: I think sometimes our vulnerabilities, sometimes the pieces of ourselves that we hide, or feel we have to hide or protect from from other people are actually the parts of ourselves that are the most human. You know, our flawed self, or like I said, what we perceive as flawed

A: Hmm.

L: When we have a relational experience where we can actually share some of the parts maybe that we're less proud of, when those are received and accepted, it can be a very powerful experience.

A: Hmm.

L: There's risk in that, of course.

A: Yeah, kind of beauty from ashes sort of experience to have something like that turn into something beautiful in a relationship. Yeah, like that. I like thinking about lye as the – I'll think of that for myself next time I'm not sure. “Well maybe this'll turn into something like soap. (Laughter).

Laura_Humans Photo.jpg
...I really believe in change. That we can all change. I consider myself a lifelong learner, so I feel like if I’m always sitting in that space and place with my clients, that I mean, I am learning as well. I’m growing as well.

A: Well, tell me a little bit about your humanness as a therapist. How do you feel like your humanness shows up in your sessions and and who you are as a therapist?

L: I think most importantly I really believe in change. That we can all change. I consider myself a lifelong learner, so I feel like if I'm always sitting in that space and place with my clients, that I mean, I am learning as well. I'm growing as well. And I think since I have such a powerful belief in just humans ability to be resilient, I carry that hope and that kind of strength-based energy with me into the room.

And play as well. Creativity and just making a little bit of space for play.

A: Yeah I think those – maybe your learning posture, which shows up perhaps more consistently with you than anyone else I've met, which is amazing because you already know a lot – but also your love of play, feel like two pretty special things about you. So that makes sense. Those are things that kind of mark your humaness as a therapist.

I actually wanted to ask you a little bit about about play, because you are such a skilled play therapist, and I know that you really love play. I think you've said to me that you just, you like play.

L: I do. (laughter)

A: It's a good job for you! But I'm kind of curious, what you what sort of thoughts you have, if you can condense them down into a minute or two, of how how play can be leveraged for healing. I don't think we always are used to thinking about it that way. But my goodness, you do that so effectively so what are your thoughts about how that works?

L: I think play is children's work. It's how they process their world. It's how they you know try on their different parts, different selves. And often how they share. I think it creates safety. You know when I think about a play in a relationship, it creates safety. It's a mask almost. Not always, but sometimes it's a mask where the person feels a little safer to share or test or explore. So I think the potential for growth with play is unlike any other type of therapy, actually.

And I think that's why it's important to include play in our lives as adults. You know, however that's manifesting in your life. Whether it be team sports, or hobbies, or just giving yourself that freedom of creative process, it can be a powerful change agent and growth.

A: Yeah, the idea of a mask makes me think of play as providing a little bit of a buffer between the most like vulnerable parts of us and whatever it is that we're trying to learn to interact with.

L: Yeah.

A: And then that brings about safety that allows maybe for more growth than could happen if it was made maybe quite so explicit what we were doing. That would make it scarier, yeah.

L: Yeah, it feels a little safer, I think. I agree, just to kind of have it – it's almost like walking beside the experience and then processing it with someone else kind of beside to you, before you have to take that and integrate it.

A: Hmm, you're kind of trying things on, but it's not yet. Doesn't have to be you. Until you find out if it fits, maybe.

L: Yeah.

A: Interesting, I like that.

Um, well what about this huge question: What does humanness mean to you? How do you think about that?

L: Resiliency is the big one that comes to mind. I tend to think of the positive definition of humanness. I think of empathy, relationship building, our ability to be connected and to really feel each other's experiences. But within the resiliency, you know, it includes those darker experiences. Or the, the lye, shall we go back to that. (laughs) The parts of ourselves that maybe are harder to share. I think humanness is also very much about those parts and really allowing our relationship with those parts to ourself, so that we can kind of share relationally with other people in a very authentic way.

A: Mm-hmm. Yeah, do you feel like that those two things interact? Resiliency and being able to share the lye, the less desirable, or what we perceive as less desirable, inside of us?

L: I do. I think when we walk through or move through an experience that's difficult, yeah it's it's being a little more gritty. It's being able to maybe risk, because we're sitting comfortable in our sense of self, and we've had that relationship with all of our parts, so to speak. You know, and whether that includes acceptance, forgiveness, understanding; I think it then allows us to grow, be a little bit braver. I think it allows us to accept those parts in others too.

A: Mm-hmm.

L: You know, instead of just stepping into something with maybe an ideal that isn't attainable. I think sometimes it's the real pieces of people that we connect the most to.

A: Mmm, yeah, something that is maybe less ideal but actually ends up being better, or more special to us.

L: Yeah, I think it's relatable. And I always feel, with all of my clients, just a sense of respect for the courage it takes to step into therapy and look at those experiences. And you know the willingness to kind of explore just who they are, and maybe where they want to be, it's a very courageous process.

A: Well those are profound thoughts Laura, thank you for sharing.

L: Thank you, Allie.

A: Yeah, it's been so fun to interview you in our mini interview series. So, we'll sign off now. But thank you, and I'll get to talk to you soon (laughter).


Laura MacRae-Serpa, MFTI, CCLS has special interests in supporting children and families navigating adoption and the challenges of chronic illness.


Allison (Allie) Ramsey is a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, IMF #94391, working under the professional supervision of Michelle Harwell, PsyD, MFT 50732. Allie works with individuals on a broad range of issues, including anxiety, depression, relational challenges, faith integration, divorce, and aging. 

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Humans of MHT: An Interview with Lauren Ziel, Registered Associate CSW

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Humans of MHT: An Interview with Lauren Ziel, Registered Associate CSW

This is the second interview in our series "The Humans of MHT." I was delighted to spend time with Lauren Ziel, Associate Social Worker Intern. Lauren's curiosity about her own internal process lead us through an invigorating journey at the intersections of vulnerability, mindfulness, and the wisdom of the body. She is equal parts scientist, fitness guru, and empath - and she's unafraid to be silly and to speak truthfully about not-knowing.

To view (or read) the first interview in this series, go here

- Taz Morgan, MFT Intern

Taz: I’m here with with Lauren Ziel. I’m excited about getting to know you better, Lauren. I guess to start with…what does humanness mean to you?

Lauren: You know, when I think of humanness, I think of this idea of this eternal hope mixed with a lot of fallibility. A lot of pain, a lot of suffering, a lot of this capacity to self-preserve. And there’s a lot of ways that we self-preserve. Sometimes they benefit us at one point in our lives and then they no longer benefit us later on. The human condition is the depths and dark and deeply troubling things we can experience combined with this ability to overcome...maybe with a little help sometimes to overcome. 

There’s this joke, and I don’t know if you’ve heard it. But when you’re in school, maybe undergraduate or in your master’s level work or so on, where the joke is that therapists are all crazy, and they’re taking these classes to figure out themselves and to figure out their experiences. And I think there is some truth to that. I think that our inherent curiosity about ourselves and how our brain ticks, how our heart beats, all of that definitely plays into…at least, I’ve used it as a way to connect to other people. 

T: Your point about…this…well, I think of it as this Wounded Healer. Because of my background that I have…we talk about archetypes. This archetype of the Wounded Healer. And how we use our deepest wounds to be compassionate; to feel into what maybe the people we’re working with are feeling. 

L: Absolutely. What I think is so great about this project is, you know, we are not this all-knowing entity sitting across the room from you. There’s a lot that I don’t about you - the person sitting across from me - and there’s a lot I’m still learning about myself, this world and my place in it, your place in it, and how we’re coming together in this room in this weird situation where it seems kinda contrived, but it’s really, potentially a vehicle and a space for tremendous vulnerability, but also safeness in that vulnerability. 

There’s a strange way in working with my clients that make me feel accountable; that make me remember how much work it takes to figure out yourself. And it’s a motivation for me, honestly. Yeah, I think that’s the really cool part about doing what we do, or being in profession where you’re helping people on such a visceral level, on an emotional level…is it changes you. You learn so much. 

T: Yeah, you’re speaking to how it can be transformative for you as the therapist…that you’re being impacted in some way by sitting with this person or working with them. Yeah, that it feeds something in you, not in a way that is impeding the work…but it’s…I’m forgetting the quote…something that Carl Jung says that it’s alchemical. That the two people are in are this space and they’re both gonna be transformed somehow. It’s not just about the client changing. I really like that, and that seems to be what you’re speaking about.

L: Yeah. Absolutely. I feel like I need to find the quote now, but yeah (laughs), absolutely. I think that the more I can bring myself to the table - my humanness, my fallibility, in a mindful and constructive manner - but the more that I can show up being a human...being…like I don’t know sometimes. I’ll tell you when I don’t know. I might feel a little silly and wish I that actually did know the answer. I want, in way to model, to model the vulnerability, and model it so that it’s okay.

T: You’ve talked a lot, I think, about how humanness shows up in your work as a therapist. I want to talk more about what you chose as your passion that represents your humanness. Even the phrase that you chose “movement is medicine” — I thought that it would be “fitness.” Say more about this idea of movement is medicine, and how it’s meaningful to you. 

L: I think I have to start that with my own experience...in that, when I physically move, when I exert myself, when my heart rate is up, my respiration is up. Again this is how I do it. Some people would hate doing that, and I get it. When I’m sweating and exerting, and I’m fully engaged in what my body is doing in that moment….and I can feel the strike of my foot against the concrete… when I can feel how I roll my fingers over a dumbbell or a barbell as I move it - it’s really, honestly, a practice of mindfulness for me. It’s a practice of being in the present moment. There’s a degree of like a flow state where it almost just happening and there’s not a lot of thinking about. It parallels with this incredible attunement with your physical being. And it’s very grounding for me. It allows me to take my energy…because I can tend to be very heady and all up in my head and very light — pretty anxious. And using my body to ground me is very effective for me. It calms me down. It provides my brain with a little bit of clarity and being in that moment. 

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L: I have just found in particular, running, weight-lighting, yoga - those are the things that tend to do it for me. I have discovered dancing, which I don’t know that I’m very good at, but I actually really like it. Not yet, at least, I’m not putting it off the table (laughs). You know when you’re a kid and you go climb a tree because there’s a tree there and that’s what you do? Or when your favorite song comes on and you scream at the top of your lungs in your room or in the shower?  I feel like your body, moving your body in a way that expresses feeling, and you not having to understand exactly why that is…is so freeing. 

T: Yeah, honoring the wisdom of your body.

L: Yeah, exactly, yes, beautiful way of putting. That’s perfect. It’s my me time. It really is. It’s my me time. If I can help someone find a little bit of that - it’s great. When I start to see someone really come into their body, really come into what their body is capable of, and listening to that intuition…your physical being holds so much and it can also let go of so much. 

And at the same time, I think that the body can also….just like what we talked about at the beginning…there are ways that we have learned to protect ourselves, right? The body does that, too. The body holds onto to certain things. 

T: My shoulders will just be up here sometimes (shrugging and laughing).

L: Me too. I’m a constant shoulder-shrugging. It’s like someone just scared me all the time. I totally get that (laughing). There’s a lot of really awesome research about where tension is held in the body and where certain physical maladies are coming up or somatic presentations of psychological issues. There’s so much research out there now.

T:  To incorporate the somatic piece or the body — it’s widening the scope of how we look at what it means to be human.

L:  What works for me one day won’t necessarily work for me the next. And that’s okay. It comes back to learning more about one’s self and the motivations we have, the needs and the drives that are bringing us to these behaviors is what is so interesting. And the work is never really finished at the end of the day. 

This is something that went over in my yoga teaching training - the more that we try to keep things from changing, the less satisfied we are with the situations or ourselves because change is natural. And learning to be okay with the ambiguity, the scariness, and the discomfort is probably the biggest skill that one can develop for themselves. And it’s hard. It’s work that keeps going.

T: It’s such a challenge, I think, to accept one’s own rhythm, right? The opposite of being human, in my view, is being a robot where you would have the same sensations everyday. You’re talking about having a lot of acceptance or compassion for each day being different or one day something works…there’s this nuance and complexity. And being in the not-knowing.

L: And then taking that…and having a frame of mind where…one could look at that and find it terrifying. I get that, yeah it’s terrifying but it’s also…if you put your science cap on and have this curiosity about yourself about how you function in the world and why you function in the world, then it’s almost like this cool on-going experiment you have with yourself. Figuring out all the variables.

Thank you, Taz. This was great.

T: Thank you, Lauren. It was so nice to get to know you, and hear your thoughts a little bit.

L: Samesies.


Lauren Ziel, MSW is a Registered Associate Clinical Social Worker, ASW #76483, working under the supervision of Vanessa Spooner, PsyD. Through the use of movement and mindfulness, Lauren develops specialized treatment for anxiety, depression, eating disorders, challenges in life-stage transitions, relational difficulties, and identity/intrapersonal development.


Taz Morgan, MA, is a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, IMF #99714, working under the supervision of Vanessa Spooner, PsyD. She has trained in Depth-oriented psychotherapy and works with adolescents, adults, and couples. 

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